I didn't shave. On purpose
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
