i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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