I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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