So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
