I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
