i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
