Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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