I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
