M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
