come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
