dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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