We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
