i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
