He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
