she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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