Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
