Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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