I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
