Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
