i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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