I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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