i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
