Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
