I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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