take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
