she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
