I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
