please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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