We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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