Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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