i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
