the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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