Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
