I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
