i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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