Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
