if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
