i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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