I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
