there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
