i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
