So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
