you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
