I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's the barista slut.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
