I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
