3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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