You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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