No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
