Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
