omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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