I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize