Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
