I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
