This is not my ceiling
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
