there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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