I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
