Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
