also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
