So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize