i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
