I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize