I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it because I queefed?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
