a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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