turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize