Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
