She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
