Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
