I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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