Your dad touched me again.
someone owes me an orgasm
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
