At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
