She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
