there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
