Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
