ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
