Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize