My room smells like vodka and shame
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
