Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
